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Monday, August 7th, 2006
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1:19 am - http://www.xanga.com/kisaka
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Sorry guys. this LJ is dead. If you want to check out my thoughts n whats going on, you have to go there =)
Its been fun! Much <3
current mood:  happy
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| Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
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11:33 pm - Hm...
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I disappear alot huh? Ehhh...
Summer Break starts tomorrow...kinda. Tomorrow is my last day of class. Philosophy final is tomorrow and I think I'll do ok. I'm excited for the semester to end. I look forward to next semester.
Trying to enjoy life ;) While maintaing arete...balance...
This summer going to be working full time. Way I figure it, if I work full time all summer I can pay off most, if not all my debt. And THAT will be a great thing and be a great start to a beautiful new school year for me. One filled with more happiness, joy and less stress. =)
Thats what I look forward to.
It seems I dont really have much to say anymore...so I guess thats it. Bye ;P
current mood:  apathetic
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| Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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12:46 am - Maybe pessimistic...who knows
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Yeah, okay I know. I haven't updated. In fact, if I didn't update now...you probably wouldn't hear from me for exactly a month if not over. -_-
I read your guys xanga entries...for the most part you're all happy. I'm glad to read that.
current mood:  tired
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12:46 am - Maybe pessimistic...who knows
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Yeah, okay I know. I haven't updated. In fact, if I didn't update now...you probably wouldn't hear from me for exactly a month if not over. -_-
I read your guys xanga entries...for the most part you're all happy. I'm glad to read that. =)
I've been busy, but having fun. Studying, working and playing Maple Story in my spare time(any chance I get). The game has turned absolutely addicting, to not just me, but my brothers and cousins and Doug too!
Its absolutely insane, but I'd much rather be obsessed with a game, then be bored out of my god damn mind thinking about sutpid things in life that I struggle with on a daily basis and can't truly change.
I love Maple. It gives me something to look forward to. Something to do. Something that makes life interesting.
We had a test in Humanitites today...I'm pretty sure I did well.
I haven't checked email, written entries or checked myspace since this game started.
That makes me happy because all of it was pointless anyway. I know most of you aren't reading this, and if you are, I'm not only surprised but baffled.
Myspace and email were just as pointless as this xanga entry, as most ppl dont really leave comments anywhere anyway. So it doesn't really matter.
I mean, if you think about it, we all pretend that we are good friends that care about how one another is doing and all that junk. And I really am interested in reading about how your lives are going, but I doubt any of you really care about me in that way. And, no, it doesn't hurt my feelings. I've changed so much since High School. I've seen so many truths and realities. I want to know how you're all doing, but I dont leave comments because I feel its not my place. Maybe you feel the same way. And then maybe its just like how I sepll it out to be...you just dont read my entries or care. ;)
I'm not mad. I'm not saying I'm perfect or that I'm any better at keeping in touch...in fact, I'm probably one of the worse. But I'm just pointing things out thats all.
Maybe I wrote that last couple of paragraphs to see if anyone was paying attention and will write an angry or comment filled with pain...I guess you guys will never know if it was my true feelings, a test, or a combination of both.
But we'll see. The next time I check in, whenever that will be, I'll see if anyone said anything.
For my own purpose, I'm putting down that MagikStarz is a LVL 42 Cleric now. I like keeping track of my leveling. I've been spending too much time in the Free Market/Shops, if any of you actually play and wonder how a little less than a month could have only gotten me 9 levels.
But, yes. I live happily and am fulfilling my life well enough. Have a good one boys n girls.
current mood: tired
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| Sunday, March 26th, 2006
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10:28 pm - 15 days since...
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The last update. I haven't checked my email since the last update. I haven't gone on AIM or MSN. I haven't updated my Xanga/LJ/Myspace. I haven't done anything.
Except play Maple Story.
I am addicted to that game like all hell and I love every minute of it. It gives me something to look forward to. I've always enjoyed internet games. But I never found one in which I would consistently be addicted to. Just like, hardcore...loving it...can't wait till I can play it again, type of game.
Not even with World of Warcraft. I got bored of that, after a short time.
But with Maple Story...man does it all change. I go to school. I come home and play. I go to work. I come home and play. I study, but I really want to play. I finish studying. I go play. I eat. I go play. I pick up my brothers. Then I go play.
In the end, I will..PLAY!
This game is SO addicting, I can't even believe it. I even got Khang, Kyler, Justin and Doug into the game. Its so friggin awesome!
Before, I did TSF because I was bored and had nothing better to do. Before, I watched TV because I had nothing better to do. Before, I watched Anime, because I had nothing better to do.
But now that I have Maple Story(a FREE Internet game too, mind you)...I dont want to do anything else BUT play that game. I still have TONS of Anime to watch. I've missed the LAST TWO WEEKS OF NARUTO *AND* BLEACH!!!!!!!! (My 2 fave animes in the world)
Don't get me wrong. I like TSF. I really like to watch TV. And I really really REALLY like to watch Anime.
But Maple Story beats them all. And so, if you're actually wondering if I'm alive...I am.
I'm just playing Maple Story. =P
For those that play, add me:
Server: Broa
Name: MagikStarz (currently a LVL 33 Cleric)
current mood:  sleepy
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| Saturday, March 11th, 2006
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1:18 pm - I'm SOOOOOOOO happy!!!
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After much research and talking with my counselor, I have discovered that I can be a Sociology Major get a BA in Sociology and still go to Med School! I then confirmed by going to the Optometry Graduate School I was going to apply to by looking under requirements and the counselor was right...all I need is a BA in a subject and complete the required courses under the requirements of the Med School and I can apply!
I am SOOOO happy because that means I can transfer to UCSD in ***ONE*** year!!! On top of that, I'll be majoring in a subject I find VERY interesting!!! AND I will STILL be able to go to Med School like I wanted! I get the best of both worlds.
I am so ecstatic that I'm about to go crazy from the joy! I'll be at UCSD in ONE year! I get to major in Sociology! And I'll still be able to go to Med School for Optometry!!! I'm so happy! It seems that I'm reaching a good point in my life... =D
With so much Love & Joy,
Kimmy
current mood:  ecstatic
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| Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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2:23 pm - Optometry...
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I am about...85% sure that I've chosen Optometry as my major. I've looked into it and the major isn't easy thats for sure, but I think if I study hard and do my best...I'll be okay. If not, great. UCSD offers a pre-optometry major, so thats good. But then I have to go to Graduate school. There are only 2 graduate schools(17 graduate schools in total for the whole of US) in California for Optometry...UC Berkley(can we say..no? ROFL) and Southern California College of Optometry in Fullerton.
I am pretty sure I'm going to go with SCCO instead of UCB. UCB is just too far away for me and I think that I may be able to go to SCCO while still living at home(course I'd have to wake up at dreadful hours of the morning...but if its free I think its okay...lol).
But at the same time, I wonder if I should try UCB...I know it'll be hard as hell, but the idea of being somewhere I've never been before kinda intrigues me...and scares the hell out of me. I mean LA, I've been there before...not to alot of places, but you know to the ghetto Asian parts right? LOL So it doesn't scare me as much, plus my home would only be an hour to two away. Not so bad.
I guess its just something to think about anyways.
So there's my plan. Transfer to UCSD and study pre-optometry. And then go to graduate school. And then open up my own family practice.
At least, thats what I am 85% sure I'm going to do. Its the only thing that meets all my critera. Interest in the subject, owning my own business, working with people and making quite a bit of money each year.
So I guess we'll just have to see how it unfolds. =)
current mood: tired
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| Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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11:32 pm - A new life change...
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Or well, many life changes I should say. After I quit Scentura, I got really tired and lazy...kinda to make up for all of the really hard work/working 24/7 that I did while I was with Scentura.
But this past week, I've been changing my eating habits. I've been dieting.I've been working out My mom bought me some of those "Natural Herb Weight Loss" pills to go with my dieting and working out. I've been sick this past week, but I'm better now. I've already lost 6 pounds this week. And I'm excited =)
Now its time to add other life changes with this one, or rather..go BACK to my old ways of working hard and planning things out. So I'm going to work hard at the shop(I haven't been lately because I've just been so unmotivated and tired), as many hours as I can take! I'm going to study at least once or twice a week(I've only studied right before a quiz or test because the classes are just so easy *shrug* )! I'm going to clean up the house more often, instead of prolonging it. I'm going to save money and get out of my debt, but not rush myself so I feel overwhelmed.
My life has been fairly happy but only because I'm really good at forgetting the bad stuff in life. Like never having enough money. Arguing with James almost all the time about his selfishness(only to him, its me being a bitch). The unhappiness of not being able to please my parents with the perfect major(they want me to do this, but I want to do that. So instead they suggest this, and I suggest something else. Its a constant battle with them...even though the majors I choose make a lot of money too, they think that theirs are better.)
But I'm happy with my life and am able to forget the things that are bad, because to me, they arent that big of a deal. Life will unfold the way it SHOULD unfold. The way I will allow it to unfold.
But in order to obtain true happiness, I have to love myself...fully. I like myself, sure. I like my personality. I like that I'm rational and can see everyones point of views. I like that I'm like a little kid. And I like the fact, that I'm confident about my opinions and who I am. I like the fact that I've become family oriented...and I like the fact that I am able to accept my decisions, and not regret them. But I dont LOVE myself. Why? Boy can the list go on... I know that nobody's perfect, but I am FAR from perfect.
In order for me to love myself, I must achieve the new life changes that I mentioned above. I want to look at myself and be HAPPY at what I see. I want to be able to think "I look very pretty today." or not have to feel like I'm too fat or something and that everyone stares at me for it(which I know isnt true, most of the time anyhow...cuz there are usually a lot of other people who are FAR larger than me. Obesity is running rampant in the U.S. afterall...) But if I can lose enough weight, where I can look in the mirror and smile...instead of cringe...THEN I can LOVE myself. If I can work hard and make enough money so that I can pay my bills without worry, take my brothers and cousins out to have fun and take my parents out go eat pho...THEN I can LOVE myself... If I can study hard without a test or quiz forcing me to do it, but study because I want to be able to not have to worry about when the next test or quiz is...THEN I can LOVE myself....If I can do chores when I see they need to be done and feel like I'm a GREAT daughter...THEN I can LOVE myself.
Its these things that I hate ...studying,working out,doing chores, earning lots of money(honestly, I hate money because I dont think you should have to buy something to be happy...but nothing is free in this world and because of that, you MUST earn money in order to do anything that will give you some kind of enjoyment...), superficial looks...its those things that I hate, that I must work on. Because if I can get it just right, to the point where I'm satisfied in these areas...THEN I can LOVE myself. And then I can really, truly be happy.
Sometimes...you just gotta conquer what you hate the most...so that way...you can live an easier,happier life...
I think thats why I've been bouncing around so many majors lately...because there is always SOMETHING I dont like about the major...but then I realized, that...there is always going to be SOMETHING that I don't like, because nothing is perfect.
I think I've settled on optometry. I think anyways. I have to talk to my counselor...
Well, I guess thats it for my ramblings. Tomorrow, I start my "new" life...my new way of doing things...and I look forward to do my best to do better in the things I've listed...
Because I really do just want to love myself. Because when I finally love myself, I can finally achieve great happiness...because no one can say that I'm a bad this...or a bad that...including me.
current mood: tired
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| Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
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9:41 am - Ah Yes!
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So yesterday I took the test and I kicked its ASSSSSSS! WHOOOO!!!!! =D
I'm sick as all hell though, Doug and I both are really sick. Since the beginning of the week, which is not cool.
I've lost 5 pounds this week...YAY! =P Looks like I'm finally getting somewhere. =P
Kay bye. =P
current mood:  sick
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
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9:23 pm - So ***Stressed***
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Okay, so on Monday I get to Humanities class. And we have a quiz. I didn't even know because they are usually on Weds. Turns out we have a TEST tomorrow(found out on Monday).
And no matter how hard I've tried to study the past two days, I just can't seem to FOCUS and friggin study. I'm so irritated with myself. I am COMPLETELY unmotivated about this test and everything.
As we speak, I have a small amount of knowledge of what I need to study. Just a big blur.
I'M SO FRUSTRATED!!! I dont even know what to do with myself. The hours are counting down and the test is tomorrow at 11AM.
I'm giving myself a HEADACHE trying to force myself to study. I dont know what the hell I'm going to do. I mean I already figured that even if I bomb the test tomorrow, and I do well in everything else(including future tests)...then I'll be okay and still be able to get a 'B' in the course for sure.
But maybe thats why I just dont care anymore. And then I created this desktop calendar to remind me of when to pay my bills, when quizzes/tests are(for future reference) since I'm so damn forgetful. But while its doing its job to the fullest extent it also put an EXTREME amount of stress and pressure on me. Like it was OVERWHELMING me because at once I saw ALL the bills I had to pay and ALL the stuff I have to do.
So I guess I have to rethink my strategy of reminding myself a bit.
current mood:  stressed
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| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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3:41 pm - Stressed...
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I feel really stressed out. Like my body is REALLY stressed out right now. Maybe its because I've once again dived myself into too many things on the computer at once(though its easily fixable, no doubt or not that big of a situation as there is no time limit for the big project I just took on).
Or maybe its because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and have been dog tired all day.
Or maybe its because I feel INCREDIBLY poor. Enough to pay my bills and have some change left.
Or maybe...its because my dad has the day off today.
No, no thats not it. Its because my brother James got his license. And my parents gave in to him getting put on the insurance(which is no skin off my nose). What IS the problem though, is that they don't want to buy him a car because the insurance would go sky high(or something like that. My dad wants to buy him a car. My mom doesnt). The solution(at least temporarily)...is that James will SHARE ***MY*** car.
My mom says "You can only use the car sometimes, James. Not a lot. Just one day on the weekend." James says "Yeah. Sure mom." But he and I BOTH DAMN WELL KNOW that he will take my car every chance he gets and my car...well it might as well be called James car right now. And that makes me VERY angry and sad and depressed and stressed.
Because now I have to worry about him crashing MY car. I have to worry about cleaning up HIS mess in MY car. (though he'll just say "It was already messy to begin with..") I have to worry about making sure that I can accomadate to HIS schedule because everyone damn well knows he won't accomadate to mine. Whether he'll admit it or not.
He's being a complete ASS today. And I hate it.
After he got his name on the insurance, where did he go? He TOOK my car and left to hang with his friends. "But its only going to be an hour Kim..."
Anyone else notice that its been past an hour yet? ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't have cared too much if he had his own car and drove. I'd just be worried for his safety and my parents pocketbooks. But instead, I have to sacrifice(I *ALWAYS* have to sacrifice...voluntary or not...) so that my family will be okay(money wise) and so that James can be fucking happy.
I am not happy. I am utterly depressed at this. How can James so easily get his way? Why do I have no such power? Why am I looked at so horribly? But James...James is selfish and does as he wish and THATS OKAY. But I care about everyone and take on bills for the family and take care of everyone the best I can, but I will NEVER be good enough. Ever.
I'm so unhappy and depressed and sad. Why my car? WHY!? Don't I have some kind of say in anything anymore? Don't I have a life too? Don't I get some kind of rights?
For the love of god...someone help this broken soul...
current mood:  depressed
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| Monday, February 20th, 2006
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12:47 pm - And all my life....I've waited for someone like you.
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Yo! Sup! Dog...=P LOL Just kidding!
Well day off today cuz of Presidents Day. Doug and I are taking the day off from work too because, well...we're thrashed from the weekend. We're both super sick and I'm wiped out. Seriously. -_-
Been sneezing, coughing, throat pains, etc etc etc. All the good stuff the kids go for. =P
But none the less, this week will still be super fun! My cousins will be around all week because they go to a year round school, so they get the whole week off(as opposed to just one day). So it should be fun!
Tho Kyler has been getting on my last nerve because he keeps bothering me when I'm at my most irritable points.
We got some plans for the week but ehhhhhhhhhh, its just a matter of relaxin' and chillin.
Anyone been watching American Idol lately? You kno who I *REALLY* like? That one guy, Taylor Hicks. I LOVE how he sings and he's so humble and sweet. He's also very creative and unique. I like that a lot. =) I REALLY want him to win =)
I've also been watching "Beauty and the Geek". Mad crazy cool show.
Okay, well I'm outties. Ima go watch the most recent episode of Bleach. Yeahhhhhhhh! =D
Ohh and btw, thank you to the three of you who left me comments the other day on my entry. I REALLY appreciate them. Thanks Mike for the help on the major thing =) And I have no idea why they've been showing so many filler episodes in Naruto either... -_-
Much Love,
Kimmy
current mood: tired
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| Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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10:38 am - weird
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So last night, I got a call from Asia(cuz she was hanging with Dallas and Dallas has been spending tha night for the past couple of days or so). It was nice to hear from her again and she invited me to join her and Dallas at Starbucks. to Drop by if I wanted.
Its not like I didnt want to. Cuz I kinda did, it would be cool to see old friends again. But a part of me just didnt want to go out of pure laziness. Sounds lame right? But its true. I didnt feel like changing out of my PJ's and stop watching anime and all of that cuz I was all hyped up for it all day to just chill. But yet I always want to hang out with people, but so lazy so how can that be so?
I think one reason why I dont want to hang out with friends(even tho I really do want to hang out with friends) is because I feel safe inside of my comfortable little home. I'm used to my routines. And, I'm self concious about myself right now. And...I'm scared about getting hurt amongts friends again. How many times have I been let down by a so called friend?
I'm letting these things hold me back and I shouldnt. How many times have I been invited to hang out with old buds? Many times. How many times have I taken them up? ...not a lot.
I guess, once I can be comfortable with myself(and that time is coming soon, I know it is because I'm working so hard to achieve the person I want to be), thats when I'll be able to freely hang out with people without worry.
But until then, its like pulling teeth with me. I hope Asia isn'ts mad or nothin. -_-
On top of that, thinking about my major...perhaps Optometry would be a good thing for me. DEPENDING however on a couple of things...its either that, or I will stay with Psych/Sociology. I'll look into it with my counselor tho...does UCSD even have an Optometry major? Bleh...something to look up.
Whelps, thats it for me. I gotz to take a shower and head off to work. I've been really lazy and tired this week about work. Been feeling like shit all week from being sick and the unhappiness doesnt help either. -_-
I have to figure out a way to motivate myself into getting to work. Yup. Bye.
current mood: tired
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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5:02 pm - Sigh...
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Well Happy Valetines Day everyone! Today is going okay I suppose, but it seems like any other day to me. Now dont get me wrong, Doug showered me with gifts and all. I have my Build-A-Bear(two actually) that I've always wanted to receive on V-Day. Their super cute. They arent actually bears...ones a rabbit and the others a monkey. ROFL but their super cute and I love them! The Rabbit sings "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy! When skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please dont take my sunshine away!" Its SOOOOO cute and I love it! =) They both have cute little stuff animal clothing and all that junk. The rabbit is my favorite. It is wearing a duckie robe withd duckie slippers. I'll post it later, maybe.
Doug also bought me a Scrapbooking Software cuz he knows how much I've been wanting one of those things(always big on the memories of course).
He also bought me heart shaped box of Hershey's chocolate. Yum!
He wanted to get me flowers too, but he said that the ones in Albertsons were too expensive and since we are together all the time he couldn't really surprise me with them you kno? Its all good anyways. Flowers get kinda messy and dont really have as much of a satisfaction to them. Not that I dont like getting flowers... LOL
But I dont know, today I spent it thinking. Always, thinking. =P Thats me right? Pondering about my life and how I can make it better.
The main reason for the thinking tho is because of my dad. I dont think I'll ever be able to please my dad. I mean he wants me to get a college degree, but not just ANY college degree. A degree that my uncle will approve of. Like Computer Science. Except I HATE math and I dont think I'd do well in the field, honestly. But then he says I wont be a good doctor because he doesn't see me working with people like that. Etc etc etc. Its always a problem with him.
And when I choose one that I know I will like(such as psychology or sociology) he rejects it because he doesn't know anyone with the major and therefore it must be a complete waste of time. BS.
So I dont really know what to do with myself. Like I said in earlier entries, in the end, I will just own my own business. Thats all I want. But the major I choose should be able to coincide or something, otherwise it will be a waste of time and just a way to make my dad happy. The fact that I already know that 80% of people that get college degrees dont use them in the end or hate their job by the end of it, doesnt really make me too amped on getting one. At this point, its just doing it for my dad.
I want to go to Real Estate school or something, you kno?
But eh. So I'm trying to think of a major in which I will earn a lot of money in but also will enjoy. The problem is, is that I cant think of many.
Plus my dad keeps bitching at me, asking me why I never have any money when I work for my mom all the time. He doesn't know that I have bills. If he did, he would hit the roof no doubt. Because to him, I will never be an adult. Not truly. Only when he wants me to be.
So I decided that I have to change my new years resolutions. Instead of completely getting out of debt(which will make me have no money at all, but out of debt), I will just make it so I am out of debt with the Vac and half out of debt with my credit cards(OR, completely out of debt with just one). So half of my monthly income will go to bills and the other half into my bank account. That way, when my dad asks me to borrow money(heh heh), he wont hassle me because I wont have any.
Yup. Thats the plan.
I dont know why, but since my fallout with James, I havent been happy. Not really. I think its because everyone is getting hostile. Even Doug. Doug is over reacting like my dad now. He says its because the little kids are annoying him. But I dont see how. I think its BS and I tell him so also.
James and his inconsiderateness and selfishness is bothering the hell out of me.
My dad is bothering me because he is ALWAYS bitching. Things are never right for him.
And my mom is irritating me because she wants me to work at the shop 24/7, but I go to school and have to relax you kno? Gimme a break.
I dont know. Sometimes, I imagine a better life. If there is such a thing.
I just have to take everything one step at a time and do my best. Do my best. Something I hear a lot in the animes I watch. LOL
I'm addicted on anime now. Especially Naruto, Happy Lesson, Bleach and Shuffle.
Mad crazy. Didn't think I'd become an anime geek. LOL
I'd read the mangas too, but ehhhh...I'd rather watch the animes. Plus i can DL Anime for free(illegally, but free!) and I think you can DL manga too, but bleh. Screw that. I'd rather just read my fantasy books and watch anime. Then read mangas and then watch anime too.
Gotta mix it up a bit right? What a rambling session. I hate my classes this semester. They are a pain in my ass because I dont want to take the classes, I dont even know if their going to be helping my transfer and on top of that...I am frustrated beyond hell because I dont know waht to do with my major.
But we'll see...everything will unfold...sooner or later...
current mood:  confused
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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7:28 pm - Bound to break...
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My content streak was bound to break sooner or later. I knew it was coming. Today started out awesome, but ended in misery.
Because my dad is a dumbass. Because my brother is selfish and inconsiderate. And because I care too god damn much about my youngest brother.
I hate you. All of you.
Heh, okay maybe not. I'm just angry and hate the world right now.
current mood: miserable
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| Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
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9:51 pm - hmm
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I havent updated in 7 days. One full week!
I've just been super busy thats all. What with work(okay, not a lot of working lately, just chilling but that will be the end of that soon), school, chilling with family and all that stuff you kno?
I mean I guess I dont really have much to say afterall. I started working out hardcore-ish. I'm tired. Really tired.
I have to backup all of my files because the backup discs I currently have...are old as hell. Not accurate. So I'll fix that.
Uhm...kay bye. =P
current mood: tired
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| Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
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2:37 pm - Lyphe
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You know, my Philosophy teacher really gets me thinking. Like, really and truly. he talks about how we as human beings are the only species on Earth that are born into the world ignorant. Ignorant of any kind of knowledge.
And so our entire life is filled with pain, sorrow, regret, stupidity, etc as we stumble over each "dead end" or mistake we make, and then we learn from it. And then we look back and think "If only I knew what I know now, I wish I could go back and fix my mistake..."
And of course, its true. My teacher is pretty pessimistic, and his views on life is funny but yet depressing. And even though my view on life is practically opposite, I agree and see where he's coming from.
There have only been a FEW times(right now, I can only think of 3 instances) that I would LOVE to go back and change my decision on...one was Jay, the stalker. Two, would be senior year(college applications specifically) and finally...well the last one, I'll just keep to myself.
Those are the only things I look back on and just think to myself "If only...". The rest of my life, I understand and appreciate dearly and don't regret or shudder at.
My life definitely hasn't been the happiest one in the past, so I guess my teacher is right, BUT...now I'm very content/happy. To a degree of course. There is always room for improvement, which I am trying to do(is improve those things that I dont enjoy). But overall I'm quite happy with my life. I've always done my best to live life to the fullest and try not to regret any decision I make.
Well I guess thats it. Laterz
current mood:  contemplative
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| Friday, January 27th, 2006
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1:54 pm - Decisions.
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Okay...I will do Real Estate on the side, somewhere along the end or middle of my college education. Maybe. If I still want to.
I've decided to go back to my original plan of transferring to UCSD. I will double major in Sociology and Psychology.
The thing is, is that half of the classes I'm taking this semester are BS classes. Because I didnt think I was going to transfer to UCSD.
Oh well. Who cares. No use crying over spilt milk. I'll just have to talk to the counselor and see what I have to do to transfer. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to be piling on classes like CRAZY to get to UCSD as fast as possible. Because I've stalled too much already for my past choices(which I dont regret). The only reason why I need to rush is because my dad is the one waiting for me to get there and get there fast.
At least I have a plan and will be studying things I want to study. And by studying these majors, I still can open my own business.
But anyways...
current mood: tired
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12:15 pm - What do I want?
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What do I want?
That is, what do I want to do for a living. I thought I had it all planned out in highschool, but in reality it was just the choice my parents(or rather my dad) had chosen for me. I don't want to do computer science or computer programming. I love computers, don't get me wrong...but I am not strong in math...not strong enough to take on one of those majors anyhow.
I've been changing majors in my mind up and down the place. But all of them leading to one certain destination, which is owning my own business. I *KNOW* that is what I want. I want to work for myself and reap all the benefits. Sure I will also get all of the bad stuff too but...I can handle that.
The question is WHAT do I want my business to be about?
Well I can't seem to decide. Or rather..I *HAVE* decided, but my dad wants me to earn a degree at UCSD or CSU SM. For back up he says. I think he's just living his dreams through me, since he never got the chance to go to college.
I want to study Real Estate/Loan Processing and Insurance..then open up my own business with that. I am very content with the idea and you can make mad crazy money in that business.
But, a part of me wishes I could go to UCSD or CSUSM because I want to feel what its like and get a degree. But what would I study? Wouldnt it be a waste of my time?
If I went to UCSD, I would probably study Psychology as my major, and Anthropology as my minor. At CSUSM, I would study Psychology as my major and Business as my minor.
I know the decisions I have chosen. But if I know I'm going to open my own business...certainly it would be a waste to obtain these degrees...right? Maybe. Maybe not..
I am a mess of wanting to please my parents but also obtaining my own dreams.
current mood: tired
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| Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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9:01 pm - Why?
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Why does everyone in the family become family oriented, BUT James?
Why...is James so inconsiderate?
WHY does James NEVER listen, but expect to be listened to?
We left to go to Wal Mart and Fry's, and come back to find the house over run by ALL of James friends.
They are in his room. They are in the living room. They sometimes are in the game room. They are in the hallway. They are in the backyard.
I dont blame them. I blame HIM. This isn't a fucking house party. He didn't even ASK us if he could have so many god damn friends over. He didn't even TELL us he was going to have so many fucking friends over.
Their drinking all the drinks. The drinks my parents dont really have enough money to buy.
You've gotta be fucking with me right? He can't possibly be THIS inconsiderate can he? After the thousands of times I've told him not to do this?
Oh but he can. He really truly can.
I am so irritated. Why dont they go to one of THEIR houses instead? This is bullshit.
It feels like I'm an intruder in my OWN HOUSE.
Ugh. What the fuck.
current mood: tired
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